2007-05-18 - 10:55 a.m.
Just when everything seemed to be knitting together so lately, one little tug and it all starts to unravel. Just hold the string while I walk away.
I am a week from moving to California, and my beloved has lost his job. If it had happened after I got there and had a job, that would be one thing. But it happened a week before instead.
I hope and almost even pray that he will be able to just pop into a restaurant and get a decent job. Minimum wage is $8 an hour there, so it wouldn't take a huge amount of tips to bring him up to a wage that can pay rent. My plan was to work as a server or bartender myself. I have a job interview set up at a music trade magazine two weeks from today, and there's a tavern that wants me to call them. But I'm afraid I applied for those jobs too far ahead of when they were available.
I so want to trust him, especially in the dynamic that we have together. But in the back of my mind are the nagging fears my parents have projected onto me - "we just don't want you to end up homeless and jobless" etc. dammit.
If I were of a different religion than nothing, I might say this is all happening for a reason. But for now, the only reason I can truly believe in is the shitty stuff that happens in life can either be confronted, absorbed, processed and overcome, or it can make you fall apart. I am not going to fall apart.
